I should have…..

I watched the TV show Mom the other night.  Her daughter, in her drug and alcohol days, had been raped.  She went to an AA meeting, only to see her attacker there, which brought everything back, including guilt.  She apologizes to all women for not telling.  Thinking about it had me considering what my options could have been, should have been..

There is always guilt in our life isn’t there?  That moral compass that keeps us, at least, trying to head in the right direction.  You hear the stereotypes about the Jewish mother or Catholic mother guilting their children into behaving well.  I was a Lutheran and tried it as well!  OY!  It doesn’t work!, so why do we allow it to work on us.  We apply the guilt….I should have said no, I should have fought harder, I should have told more people, I should have…I should have….

In researching forgiving ourselves, I have found there are some wonderful blogs and websites to help you with some answers.  Dr. Wayne Dyer’s books helped me through some dark times, and he is still relevant today.  His website is drwaynedyer.com  If forgiving yourself is something that is plaguing you, take a look at his writings.  He is pretty commercial, but his wisdom may help.  Mindbodygreen.com also has an article entitled, “10 Ways To Forgive Yourself & Let Go Of The Past”.  Number four from the article hit me the strongest, “Realize you did the best you could at the time.”

For whatever reason; age, mental condition, physical condition, family dependencies, faith justifications,…….we did the best we could at the time.  Would we change some things now, do some things differently?  Probably..but we are different people now than we were.  We are STRONGER!

The article also talks about cutting yourself some slack.  My partner, who happens to be my husband, gives me a hard time about not being able to take the day off.  Do nothing!  I feel guilty!  My mom used to write me letters filled with all of the things she was doing on a daily basis…She could get stuff done.. I have a sister who works at the same energy level..I am amazed at what they can get done, and fill guilty that I get half as much done in a day…. Why?

Think about what you contribute, to the world, your family, your job.  It’s not the same as what someone else does; it may be more, it may be less, but it’s you.  You in all of your gloriousness.  It’s you..  No more should’ve.  No more guilt.  You, me, we; we all did the best, and continue to do the best we could and we can…


3 thoughts on “I should have…..”

  1. I like Dyer. I have also found Lewis B Smedes book on Shame and Grace to be tremendously helpful. It’s not specifically about surviving abuse but is does cover the shame and the hope and reality of healing through grace. He also talks about the differences between secrecy and privacy, a theme that I am hearing in your postings. Keep writing, it’s good stuff Luanna.


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